and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
