Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
