Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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