Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
