hotel room ftw
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
