we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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