his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I cut my penus on the lid.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
