Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
