When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My pussy is not your playground.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
