Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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