I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize