I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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