i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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