There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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