omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
