last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
