just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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