so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
