just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
