I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
