There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
