i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
