If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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