Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
