Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
