I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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