too bad you live with your parents still
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
