Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
