I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
