You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
