No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
