You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
