My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
