Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
