omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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