I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
