I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
