Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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