absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I will die if light touches me.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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