Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
