Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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