put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
