you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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