either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
