apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
