Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
