butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
