i will never coherently bang her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
