nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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