i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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