i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
