Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
