I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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