i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
