her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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