Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
