I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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