I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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