Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize