Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
