So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
