and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
