I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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