heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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