It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
