I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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