Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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