Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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