I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
