i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
