before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
