this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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