Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
