Tell her she can't have a vagina
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she told me i tasted like america
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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