I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
