She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
