Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
