So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
