I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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