Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
