I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
