I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
