She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
