i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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