I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize