My hand turned me down
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
