And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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