Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize