Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
