I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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