pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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