Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
