So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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