maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
