i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
