he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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