the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
