and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
