I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
