pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
