bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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