So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize