My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize