i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
