youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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