yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
